Eric the Viking Vampire

You know LeStat and Akasha, Godric and Vlad,
All of them vampires, all of them bad
But do you recall,
The sexiest Vampire of all?

Eric the Vampire Viking
Had some very shiny fang
And if you ever saw them
You might even say, “Well Dang”

All of the other vampires
Used to wish that they were he
And we know one of the reasons
Had to do with penis envy.

Then one foggy Louisiana eve
Sookie came to say,
“Eric with your sexy bite
Won’t you come with me?”

Now the ladies all moaned
Because he chose telepath Sookie
Eric the Viking Vampire
He’ll go down in history! 

(or would that be 

He’ll go down on Sookie!) 

I’m thinking of a Red Christmas

I’m thinking of a red Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the humans tremble
When we assemble
And catch the ones that are so slow

I’m thinking of a red Christmas
For the living and the dead
May all your nights be thrilling in bed
And may all your Christmases be red.

Hey There Baby

Buh-bum.. buh-bum…
Eric baby, just slip your fangs into my neck, for me
Been an awful naughty girl
Eric baby so hurry through the sky

tonight

Sammy baby, an engagement ring, with blue, 
I’ll snuggle up to you dear
Sammy baby, so hurry from Merlottes tonight

Think of all the fun we’ve missed,
Think of all the nights we’ve kissed
Next year we could be just as naughty
If you fill our Christmas list

Compton baby, I got a tru blood under the tree, for thee
Wish you’d suck on me dear 
Compton baby, so hurry on over tonight

Quinn honey, wrap me in your fur, so warm

Let me hear the tiger roar

Quinn baby, be an animal tonight

Lafayette cutie, and can you get a hold of some V, for me 
Slip the needle into my vein 
Lafayette cutie, take me way up high tonight

Come and fill our Christmas dreams, 
With all that we have asked for, and more
We really are hot for you, 
Let’s see just what you can do

Hey there babies, keep this image in your head, the bed
I don’t really want to sleep, 
Hey there babies, so hurry to our places tonight

Hurry down to our places tonight
Hurry, tonight.

Have yourself a very Fangy Christmas

Have yourself a very fangy Christmas
Dress yourself just right
For when evening comes
Your vampire rises in the night.

Have yourself a very fangy Christmas
Let your sexy hips sway.
Hurry now
Your vampire is on his way.

Here we are as in olden time
Heated golden eves, in bed
As your vampire rises over you
You are grateful for – the undead.

All the nights
You want to be with him
And you won’t care how.
All I am and all I have you’ll vow.
So have yourself a very fangy Christmas now.

Grandma Got Bitten By a Vampire

Grandma got bitten by a vampire.
Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there’s no such thing as Eric,
But as for me and grandpa we believe.
She’d been drinking too much eggnog,
And we begged her not to go.
But she forgot her medication, and she
Staggered out the door into the snow.
When we found her Christmas morning,
At the scene of the attack,
She had hand prints on her backside,
And incriminating fang marks on her neck.

Now we’re all so proud of grandpa,
He’s been learning all from Sam.
See him in there watching football,
Drinking root beer and
Playing cards with Sexy Pam.
It’s not Christmas without Grandma,
All the family’s dressed in black
And we just can’t help but wonder:
Will she rise out of her coffin,
Thirst for blood and then attack?
She’ll attack!!

Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of fig
And the blue and silver candles
That would just have matched
The hair on grandma’s wig.
I’ve warned all my
Friends and neighbors
Better watch out for your neck
That’s a vampire in the street
And not a green friendly ogre
That’s named Shrek

Grandma got bitten by a vampire.
Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there’s no such thing as Eric,
But as for me and grandpa we believe.
She’d been drinking too much eggnog,
And we begged her not to go.
But she forgot her medication, and she
Staggered out the door into the snow.
When we found her Christmas morning,
At the scene of the attack,
She had hand prints on her backside,
And incriminating fang marks on her neck.